Today my sister and I were chatting and she was going on and on and on about what an amazing mother I am. Well, maybe you can forget the second and third "and on" but she did say I do "everything" for my kids. (She meant I do the best I can for them.) That made me think ... Yes, I do everything I can for them (with the help of dear ol' Dave, of course). I provide for their needs. Sometimes I provide the way for their needs to be met and they have to make the choice to get what they want (i.e. eat your casserole ...).
I was also thinking, I do everything for them alright.... I lose my patience which leads to yelling. I give them a good spank now and then. (Which does nothing anyway. Izzy is usually back out of bed in 10 seconds and giggling.) I let them admire my back while I sit at the computer for a "couple" more minutes. I am the greatest. I was even talking with a neighbor last week about raising my voice to the kids and then she mentioned checking to see if the window was open. I thought I was the only person in the world to do this. You yell, you feel bad, you check to see if the window was open (you know, to make sure the neighbors didn't hear). Have you done it? I was shocked to know she had done it before, because I thought I was the only mom mean enough to be yelling at my kids with the windows open or closed.
Yes, I am guilty of those things. Most moms are.
I am also happy to report I have had some great moments. The feel-good-because-you-are-being-a-good-mom moments. You know them. You are in the midst of your daughter showing you her Linda Blair impersonation, which turns out to be really good, and for some reason you just feel calm. Like nothing she could (and will) do could set you off. I love and need those moments. The moments when you react with more patience than you ever thought yourself capable of having. I love when you react just the right way and your child's crazy turns to quirky or silly. Sometimes they stay in spawn-of-satan mode, but many times they come around and everyone is better off because of it.
I will remember to live by my mom's advice about what to do when you are mad: You will be nicer to your kids if you pretend they are someone else's. And remember my own advice: Pretend there is always someone in the other room. I guess I just need to resolve to be better. Check myself before the window needs checking.
In regards to restraining the beast within (you know you have one and kids are great to bring it out), what tricks are up your sleeve?